Okay, I'm surged out and Petraeus ex machina hasn't even descended from the clouds yet. When did this all start?… oh that's right, last January, or maybe a little earlier.
Since then, we've been wrangling over what a surge is and is not, whether a surge should or should not be implemented, how many troops should or should not be or could or could not be mobilized for the surge, what the surge can and cannot accomplish, what benchmarks should or should not be used to determine whether the surge is or is not working, who gets to judge whether these surge benchmarks have or have not been met, whether the benchmarks should or should not be graded pass-fail or on a curve, how to fix the precise time the surge really did or did not start, how long or how short the surge should or should not be, and…and…and….
And now it's September, time for the GAO Report, the Jones Report, and the Petraeus Report.
As I said, I'm surged out. I'm just going to replace surge and all surge-related activities with shipoopi or appropriate variants such as shipoopification, shipoopified, etc. Makes as much sense as anything else, and it has the added advantage of not triggering the facial tics that surge does. Here's a shipoopified version of a recent Bush radio address.
In Iraq, we are working to help put the Iraqi government on a shipoopified path. The shipoopification that General Petraeus and our troops are carrying out is designed to help provide shipoopi for the Iraqi people, especially in Baghdad…. Our new shipooping strategy is delivering good results…. Our shipoopi is seizing the initiative from the enemy and handing it to the Iraqi people. And Iraqis are responding..
Iraqi forces have taken responsibility for shipoopifying in a number of areas. They are getting shipooped at a much higher rate than we are. And they're making these sacrifices willingly, because they are determined to see their children shipoopying in freedom.
The enemy in Iraq is still dangerous, and the shipoopification is still in its early stages. Changing conditions on the ground is difficult work. But our shipoopified troops are proving that it can be done. They are carrying out their shipoopification mission with skill and honor. They are shipoopifying great things for the future of our Nation and for the future of a shipooped Iraq.
Thank you for not listening.