So I gave up on the celebutante, went online, and—gag me with a jagged spork—read Maureen Dowd's latestemailed excuse for a paycheck.
Yes, it's about Hillary.
Yes, it plays on the Sopranos-spoof campaign ad.
You see, Hillary is Carmela, and Carmela is Hillary.
Hillary is Tony, but Tony is not Hillary.
Hillary is not Bill. Only Bill is Bill.
And Bill, as we all know, can be a very naughty boy.
Dowd proceeds in workman-like fashion to get through the baked ziti, Celine Dion, veal parm, Pablo Casals, onion rings, Kenny G, carrot sticks, Fleetwood Mac, goomahs, Maya Angelou, Vesuvio's restaurant, co-worker Jeff Gerth's soon-to-be remaindered Her Way, and Carol Bendick.
Who's Carol Bendick, you ask? She's the extremely convenient "Democrat" who always seems to be around, ready to be quoted, here in the LA Times, saying something like, “Who wants four or eight more years of the Clintons’ marital disputes, paid for by the United States, we the people? I certainly don’t.”
And then we're on to the pronouncements. Dowd huffs with conviction: "Hillary never seems at ease in her own skin, and she always gives herself too much authority…. And like Tony, Hillary is so power-hungry that she can justify any thuggish means to get the prize."
Really? She doesn't? She does? She can?
Talk about people giving themselves too much authority, Ms. Dowd….
In the Clintons’ mob spoof, as a rather wooden Hillary is about to announce her song choice to a loose and funny Bill, the screen suddenly goes dark.Indeed.
In the case of “The Sopranos,” this was cause for perplexity. In the case of the Clintons, it’s an unwittingly satirical moment, because if there’s one thing we know about this tough New York family, it is that they will never, ever go dark.
Where’s a black screen when you need one?