Pearls should never be clutched; they should be gently “worried.”

My best advice to you is some that my brother Danny received the very year that Ronald Reagan was elected president.... Just be the ball. Be the ball. Be. The. Ball.*
__________

Gawd. Peggy Noonan is a Visiting Whatnot at Harvard this year, conducting study groups on the Latest Whatever in Contemporary Wherever and What It All Might Mean Eventually. Gawker has a hilarious roundup of Noonerisms as faithfully recounted by study group attendees.

My personal favorite: I'm not a brain surgeon. You have to be a professional. I did my best and I didn't kill anybody. I can't remember what the point of my answer is.

The study group has been described by one attendee as “two hours of listening to a woman who should not be permitted to operate heavy machinery.”

Next time, kids, sign up for the Beowulf seminar instead.


*A faux Noonerism by a clever Gawkerer.