I’ve been reading -- slowly, with deliberation, and with chewable Valium at the ready -- The Family. This is the creepiest book ever. No, make that a really great book about some of the creepiest people ever in politics. And it has inspired me to alter the tone of my political discourse with nonbelievers, by which I mean people who disagree with me.
For example, when dealing with random teabaggers, birthers, deathers, and other political heathens, I will glow with rapture and announce:
Jesus told me to tell you the Public Option is a Godly thing.
Jesus told me to tell you Obama is a natural born American citizen.
I am only the messenger.
Jesus told me to tell you Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh are false prophets; Bill O’Reilly, however, is just a douche.
Like Andy Pettitte, I have a close personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Jesus told me to tell you we must tend the lepers, take mass transit, put solar panels on everything, and get the fuck out of other countries, especially the Middle East.
Most people don’t like to argue with Jesus people, even fake ones. They shuffle off sideways, mumbling "Oh well… religious beliefs… free to…."
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