Where the Boys Are (This Girl Wants in Too)

Un charrier de modèle d'écriture bizarre de MoDo

While the suave Barack/George Hamilton is away, the frantic and frantically yearning gal pals of Hillary/Delores Hart will play.

With Barack Obama on spring break in St. Thomas the last few days, some Clinton sorority sisters have been working feverishly to make their latest dream come true: homecoming queen Hillary is asked to be Barack’s vice president. One way or another, they’re determined to get their sister into that happily conjoined state.

They need each other, says a mutual friend of Barack and Hillary. He needs a date for the senior dance and graduation parties and she needs to be a date.

It is one of moi’s favorite movie formulas, driving the dynamics in such classics as Where the Boys Are, The Best of Everything, and Gidget Goes to Rome.

Charming, glib guy spars and quarrels with no-nonsense, driven girl, until they team up in the last reel. He spices up her life, and she stiffens his spine. And everybody’s happy. Or are they?

Maybe not. Remember, it’s always dangerous for a woman to be needy. Just think of Yvette Mimieux, who, as the guileless and impressionable Melanie Tolman, gets run down by several cars in the middle of a 4-lane highway for having had motel sex with a guy named Dill.

And the sweet and demure Diane Baker, who gets knocked up by some sleazoid named Dexter, a guy who carelessly lets her fall/jump out of his speeding convertible en route to the abortionist.

And poor, poor Suzy Parker, whose obsession with David Savage (the uber-suave Louis Jourdan) sends her over the edge -- of the fire escape railing.

Some Hillary intimates are concerned about the effect all these blunt-force-trauma scenarios may be having on their friend. Not that Hillary is likely to do a Suzy Parker. Just the opposite: Clinton may feel the need to take a preemptive stance, what her insiders call the Kathy Bates “Misery” option.

Seems only fair. After all, it’s not 1960 anymore.