Sunday, March 02, 2008

Electoral nanodemographics: It’s all up to Elvis Z. Vardy

This is it folks: the 2008 presidential primaries hinge upon the vote of a single person. It’s this guy:
Elvis Z. Vardy, a 31-year-old self-described Melungeon; served in the National Guard but remained stateside; earned an Associate Degree in restaurant management; annual income: $28,500; formerly a member of the Assemblies of God but now a practicing Episcopalian; recently moved from southwestern Virginia to Ohio in preparation for sex-reassignment surgery; has yet to decide upon his "female" name but is leaning towards "Priscilla."
That’s right, analysis of electoral nanodemographics has gotten so precise that McCain, Clinton, and Obama should just save their money and focus all their attention on Elvis Z. Vardy.

Mr. Trend at AlterDestiny is put off by all this voter DNA splitting.
While I understand the importance of being familiar with demographics, I've found CNN and other media outlets' obsession with the constant parsing of voter groups (women over 65, black men with one job, white men with three nipples, etc.) to be a bit excessive and frenetic.
[Please note: There’s been no verification yet on the nipple status of Mr. Vardy. -- Grace]

Yet, while Mr. Trend concludes that the "biggest problem with this parsing is, it's led everybody to be a 'key voting bloc' in the primaries," I think it’s obvious that the reverse is true: the key voting bloc is Mr. Vardy.

The candidates can only hope that his scheduled sessions for some rather intensive full-body laser hair removal don’t prevent him from actually voting.

[Legal stuff I worry about: Elvis Z. Vardy is a fictional character. Any similarities with living or deceased people are coincidental.]

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