Of herpes, Drudge, and the price of essential commodities

Jon Swift is a tad miffed that the coordinator-in-chief of the conservative blogosphere muffed his email update.

It seems that nobody told him that Pvt. Scott Thomas Beauchamp is now to be touted as a real hero (and not condemned as a phony soldier) for all but recanting his story about some US soldiers not being nice while on duty in Iraq.

The aforementioned all-but-recantation has been all but rebutted by Beauchamp and his supporters, but the conservative blogosphere is holding firm on its latest judgment, at least until the next selective leak to DrudgeComm.mil.

Now, I realize that the personal and professional reputations of several people are on the line here. But, quite frankly, these are people whom I do not know and do not care about.

My thoughts are more in line with those of William Yard, a commenter at The New Republic's blog, The Plank. Only, please, replace the price of blow jobs with the price of home heating oil and gasoline.

Scott Beauchamp! The topic that keeps flaring up like herpes, months after the drunken one-night stand. And yet, in those precious moments before last call, she seemed so....pure.

I have a solution: TNR should spin off a scottthomasbeauchamp.com website. Let anyone post, sell gear, have links to Ann Coulter's latest book on Amazon. Why, the ensuing sales of baseball caps showing "TNR" with a red Euroslash through it should provide ample profits to allow TNR.com to reduce renewal rates for all of us loyal Plankton!

The site will attract anti-TNR, anti-STB trolls like decomposing whale carcasses on the ocean floor attract bottom-feeding slugs. That will leave the Plank for more important topics, like Presidential politics, global warming, and the recent, unconscionable price spike in professional fellatio services.

I mean, for Goddess' sake, a few months ago you used to be able to get a "car date" in most American cities for forty bucks. Now it's pushing $75 in some places. Seventy-five dollars! What--did the terrorists win, and I missed it?

Oh wait! We're talking about Scott What's His Name. Right. I got off-topic there. Sorry; won't happen again.

I’m with you, Mr. Yard, except for your preoccupation with "car dates."