Bring me the eyebrows of Alberto Gonzales

So Gonzales offered his resignation and Bush accepted. Poor FOXNews was torn between covering Michael Vick entering the court house to plead guilty and Gonzales making his brief adios speech.

Tough choice in FOX-land: black guy copping a plea or Hispanic losing his job.

Mr. Gonzales, a Mexican-American whose successes in life President Bush had proudly outlined many times, said today that “I have lived the American dream. Even my worst days as attorney general have been better than my father’s best days.”

Spoken like a true white-collar professional. One can easily undermine two centuries' worth of legal precedents without breaking a sweat. It ain't the hard physical work of an immigrant laborer.

As Gonzales' well-tended eyebrows (seriously, the guy's got the most lovingly tweezed and waxed pair in DC) ride off into the sunset, the media are eyeing his potential replacements.

Oh god please—let's leave the job vacant until the next administration.