The X-mas Files: An Advent Calendar for Snickering Secularists

From Doug Giles's Have a Happy...non-Christ Related in Anyway, Vacation—or . . . Whatever . . .

The Christmasphobia seems to have seeped outside of the Pubic Fool System and has also hit the streets. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve got to think for 30 to 40 seconds about how I am to wish one well during the Christmas season for fear that the ACLU will send some soulless lawyer to my house to sue me because of an insensitive greeting.

Before, I just used to say, “Merry Christmas.” Now, I have to do CIA-like profiling trying to figure out what religion said person is before I launch a holiday howdy. Are they Christian? Muslim? Satanist? Atheist? Do they look like they have enough money to take legal action against me if I get the greeting wrong and they become deeply wounded by my well wish? It’s madness. To remedy the situation, now I just blow off saying anything aside from, “Wassup?”

Dude, buy a clue — because no one is going to give you one for Xmas.