And the Ripper Award for mad inscrutability goes to…

...Sec of Defense Donald Rumsfeld for his performance at today's Defense Department Briefing.

SEC. RUMSFELD: Good afternoon, folks.

Some 60 years ago blahblahblah Hitler's forces faced defeat blahblahblah carried out some of the most indiscriminate acts of violence blahblahblah Hitler ordered destruction blahblahblah no longer willing to shed their own blood blahblahblah deserved to die blahblahblah the true nature of totalitarianism and its capacity for self-annihilation. This may suggest why terrorists today in Iraq are indiscriminately killing so many Iraqis, even Iraqi children.

Take-home message: The insurgents are nasty bastards, just like Hitler and the Nazis.

In less than a week blahblahblah the new constitution blahblahblah a critical step blahblahblah the new Iraq is worth fighting for blahblahblah a piece of paper could well turn out to be one of the most powerful weapons blahblahblah. The enemy understandably senses this and is determined to stop the constitutional process through terror and intimidation. As the October 15th referendum date on the Iraqi constitution comes and the December elections approach, I think it's reasonable to expect that violence could again increase for a time, as it did during the last elections. But given the political progress, that should not necessarily be considered an accurate gauge of the enemy's future.

Take-home message: They're gonna try to bomb the shit out of you again.

Blahblahblah in World War II, the enemy's tactics, such as the cult of death among S.S. forces and the kamikazes blahblahblah the bloodiest fighting of that war blahblahblah prove not to be harbingers of victory. So if such tactics are used in Iraq in the months ahead, one should be careful not to draw the wrong conclusion. As long as the Iraqi people persevere, the terrorists cannot win.

Take-home message: I'm no Churchill. Sorry to be such a buzzkill about the Iraqi constitution and referendum, folks.

Now settle down everybody: there's one additional item.

Every year since September 11th attacks, Americans have commemorated that anniversary. This year the Department of Defense will initiate an America Supports You Freedom Walk. The walk will begin at the Pentagon and end at the National Mall…. Freedom Walk participants will be invited to a special performance by country singer Clint Black. And more information about this event will be on the Department of Defense website, www.americasupportsyou.mil.

Take-home message: You can never run out of bogus ways to commemorate the horrific.