No. 1--"Darth Vader's Family Values"
Wherever you are, Adam Smith, call your agent. Darth Vader is stealing your best stuff. . . . [Anakin Skywalker] says he could never betray the Jedi because they're his family, but then the chancellor [Chancellor Palpatine] puts the family question in perspective: "Learn to know the dark side of the Force, Anakin, and you will be able to save your wife from certain death." Anakin promptly recognizes the limits of altruism, just as Adam Smith did in the 18th century.**
No. 2--"Invasion of the America Snatcher"
Huge chunks of the American population have been body-snatched by zomboid creatures from Canada, or possibly - shudder - Europe. That's the only conclusion one can draw from the latest monumental study from the Pew Center for the People and the Press. OK, it's not the only conclusion you can draw, but it's the one I'm going to draw.**
No. 3--"So I Married an Axe Murderer"
Hey girls, if your husband ever gets convicted for chasing children with a chainsaw, and then gets released from our “justice system” without having his frontal lobe scraped with a cement trowel . . . you might not want to let him around you and yours ever again. That’s a simple can-do, isn’t it? I mean . . . that makes sense, right? I know it used to, but nowadays, common sense doesn’t seem to be . . . well . . . so common.**
No. 4--"The Empire Meets Middle Age"
For me, the "Star Wars" saga faded with "Episode VI: Return of the Jedi". . . .[T]he big problem was the fact that Darth Vader, who had killed countless souls without hesitation and destroyed an entire planet just to make a point, nonetheless wholly redeemed himself by refusing to kill his own son. Thus Vader won a coveted spot in the afterlife sitting by the eternal campfire with Jedi good guys Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda.**
The dead Darth-turned-Anakin looks happy, too. You can imagine him turning to his old chums, and saying, "Sorry about Alderaan. Have a nice day."
If only Hitler had sired a son.
No. 5--"Manly Men Are In"
According to a new Harris poll, manly men are in, metrosexuals are out. Good-bye prissy, sensitive, style-conscious men of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." Hello Home Depot-loving, steak-eating macho men.Click read more for the answers!
For No. 1: John Tierney, Darth Vader's Family Values
For No. 2: Jonah Goldberg, Invasion of the America Snatcher
For No. 3: Doug Giles, So I Married an Axe Murderer
For No. 4: Debra Saunders, The Empire Meets Middle Age
For No. 5: Fred Barnes, The Beltway Boys,
Manly Men Are In
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