Use your kids as research guinea pigs for fun and profit!*

*Government approved; no risk of pesky child-endangerment charges.

Hey parents: did you know you could sign up your kids for the government's Children's Environmental Exposure Research Study (CHEERS) and get all this wonderful stuff?



Your family's wonderful compensation package includes:

 Both monetary and non-monetary compensation
 A CHEERS t-shirt
 An official, framed Certificate of Appreciation
 A CHEERS bib for your baby
 A calendar
 A Study Newsletter
 A video camcorder, if you complete all of the study activities over the two-year study period

Be sure to enroll soon, because Sen. Barbara Boxer is getting all bitchy ("The moral and ethical issues surrounding this program are overwhelming…yada, yada, yada") about this with EPA Administrator nominee Stephen Johnson, who thinks the CHEERS baby bibs are just adorable.

[Hat tip to Atrios.]

UPDATE: on April 8, 2005, the EPA cancelled the CHEERS study. For more information, check out Raw Story.