Sunday, February 27, 2005

Why Do Family Advocates Mangle Metaphors? It's as Like They Hated the Language...

Family Advocates Say Thanks to Playboy, Cell Phones Could Become Cesspools (Agape Press)

By James L. Lambert and Jody Brown

Playboy Enterprises is planning to enter the wireless entertainment market (I didn't even know such a thing existed) with Playboy-themed games, images, video clips, voice clips, and ring tones. Ring tones? Playboy-themed ring tones?

Even though Playboy claims the services will be "age-accessible (through credit cards) much [like] on the Internet," cesspool-fearing family advocates bemoan the continuing advances in porn-transmitting technology. And they really, really, really hate Playboy's lifestyle.
Just what is Playboy's lifestyle or philosophy all about? According to author and researcher Dr. Judith Reisman, many of Playboy's consumers "are easily trained to believe that they are being cheated if they have a love life with one woman .... The need for Playboy ... to co-opt Judeo-Christian mores was, and still is, a critical component for [their] success."
Is this true?...


Really? Playboy is all about indoctrination into horny-bastardness? It just never occurred to me that guys needed such indoctrination. This is an acquired trait?
Reisman concludes by saying that, "economically it is necessary for the sex industry to do two things: first, it must poison men against the love of one woman; and secondly, it needs to sexually disable men."
See, to me, this doesn't make sense. Wouldn't the sexual disabling of men be counterproductive? Wouldn't it adversely affect the sex industry's bottom line? Unless, of course, Reisman counts among "the sex industry" the BigPharma manufacturers of Viagra and Cialis. Then it would make sense: enable, disable, and re-enable. In that case, it's just good product cycling.

Anyway, we all know that cell phone porn filters and blockers are on the way, if they're not already available. I really do feel sorry for parents who have to upload and download blocking and filtering codes for virtually every device, excluding kitchen appliances (well, most kitchen appliances).

Still, family advocates will never pass up an opportunity to mangle a metaphor. So here's one for the road:
[W]hen pornographers like Playboy make their material available to the wireless market...[they] will open a tsunami of porn images into the cell phones of America.
Just a thought: Perhaps the metaphorical use of "tsunami" should be avoided for the next decade -- as a show of Judeo-Christian-mores--type of respect for the dead.


The Heretik said...

"Really? Playboy is all about indoctrination into horny-bastardness? It just never occurred to me that guys needed such indoctrination. This is an acquired trait?"

Playboy was really just a footsoldier in the coming Apocalypse. Horny guys don't need no stinking indoctrination, not where the boobs are involved.
The fiendish plot, however, to get as many doctors helping the world one boob job on a time is "spectacular" in its success.

That and rent a boner with this pill are the great strides we have made in medicine. Come by for my of this load of McKrap at

You have a unique voice. Use it, use it now when we all could need it.

Grace said...

I am humbled. I completely forgot about the socio-politico-theocratic implications of boob jobs. -- Grace

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