Like clockwork

The thing about natural disasters in foreign lands is that the media narrative is set in stone for the next few weeks. We Americans can safely skip watching the TeeVeeNewz at least until Groundhog Day. Note that Steps No. 2, 3, and 4 typically occur even before the first dead are buried.

First: The horror -- Haiti Earthquake Damage Staggering

Second: Pat Robertson declares the disaster to be God’s punishment on the people who are still trying to claw their way out of the rubble.

Third: Rational people denounce Pat Robertson’s claim that the 7.3 magnitude quake occurred because the Haitians’ made a "pact with the devil" two centuries ago while seeking liberation from the French.

Fourth: The chest-beating begins that the United States is the most generous nation evah!1!

Fifth: Anderson Cooper arrives on the disaster scene with a 2-week personal supply of tight cotton T-shirts (pastels for the tropics), tailored jeans, and, of course, his piercing blue eyes.

Sixth: Stat-Heads begin to argue that the United States is not the most charitable nation if the data are viewed as the percentage of Gross National Income rather than in absolute dollar terms.

Seventh: The Hiroshima Maidens brigade begins, making those Americans who now know we’re not No. 1 charity-wise according to GNI feel somewhat less guilty.

Eight: Week-long Super Bowl XLIV festivities begin!