Monday, December 07, 2009

At some point there’d be a post like this

He wouldn't bow to Hitler but American Democrats/trial lawyers expect him to bow to … his Homeowners Association! -- Town Hall

There’s a contradictory impulse in America. Okay, two contradictory impulses if you include our sex-is-sacred-everybody-lets-fuck hypocrisy. The other one is our love/hate relationship with homeowners associations.

Twice a year -- usually around Memorial Day/Fourth of July and then again around Veterans Day -- there’s the inevitable story of a war vet (or sometimes the parents of a deployed soldier) engaged in a war (obligatory metaphor) with his/her homeowners association.

Now, the whole idea of an HOA is to protect everybody from everybody else’s bad taste, lax attitudes about lawn grooming, unclaimed dog poop, overly exuberant holiday displays, and the covert installation of 2 ½-story high flagpoles.

But nobody ever reads the g-dang HOA manual, except for the HOA board members themselves. In fact, homeowner-members are shocked to discover that such a manual actually exists, usually because it was included with copies of all the legal papers they signed, dazed and confused, on closing day. Sadly, the discovery of the HOA manual usually follows the arrival of a threatening letter about some infraction or another.

The latest story involves a 90-year-old (nice touch, that) Medal of Honor recipient (really nice touch) and the 21-foot-tall flagpole (really big touch) he decided to put up in his front yard last September.

Did he double check with his HOA before the work crew arrived? Fark no. This is America. He’s a Medal of Honor recipient. Did I mention he’s 90?

And so because it involves the Most Sacred and Holy Shroud of the Nation as well as a very old and well honored veteran, the media are alerted, national politicians get involved, neighbors’ homes are threatened with being torched (because apparently there are roving gangs of arsonists-with-a-cause out there), and everyone heaps scorn on the unpatriotic, fascistic, terrorist-loving HOA.

The HOA will explain over and over that it’s not the flag that’s the problem, it’s the flagpole. But they lost this battle before it began. They will inevitably back down or offer some special one-time-only dispensation for vets in their tenth decade of life with Purple Hearts and Medals of Honor.

And then it will all stop. Until the next time.

1 comment:

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