Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Abstinence pledges for GOP govs (socialism, sillies, not sex)

As former Sen. Bill (She does respond) Frist (R-Tenn) learned at the cost of his mind, soul, and national political aspirations, never cater to ideologues. Inevitably, you’ll be deemed ideologically impure by the ideologues and too ideologically pure by the non-ideologues. Either way, in the words of Edie McClurg: You’re fucked.

Now the fun’s afoot over at NRO, Free Republic, and other bastions of conservativism uber alles as the ideologues assess the comparative purity of Republican governors regarding stimulus money. Will they or won’t they be seduced by Obama’s socialism?

In a bravura performance of actual journalism, NRO Cornerite Mark Hemingway telephoned all 21 Republican governors' offices in the country to determine who are most likely to remain chaste. Here’s my working tally so far:

Total sluts: Crist (Florida), Schwarzenegger (California), Douglas (Vermont), Rell (Connecticut), Gibbons (Nevada)

Having impure thoughts: Perdue (Georgia), Jindal (Louisiana), Pawlenty (Minnesota), Daniels (Indiana)

Cockteaser but virgo intacto: Palin (Alaska)

Asexual (so far): Otter (Idaho), Heinemann (Nebraska), Rounds (South Dakota)

Unsullied virgins: Perry (Texas), Sanford (South Carolina)

Don’t scoff. The conservative base is definitely taking this purity ball seriously. But I wonder: If a Republican governor blocks or inhibits his or her state's receipt of stimulus money, might not the governor be subject to recall or impeachment for incompetence or malfeasance?

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