Must have been a slow news day in wiener dog racing

You know CNN’s Jeanne Moos, right? She’s the grooming-impaired reporter who does those belabored, pun-laden “humor” segments about the inconsequential:

__ toeless pantyhose: “In the pantyhose business, you always have to be on your toes.”
__ hair styling: “Why go to a palm reader when you can have your hair style read instead?”
__ sword swallowers: “At the sword swallowers convention, swords are finger-licking good.”
__ pet peeves: “Name your pet peeve. Is it cell phones, junk mail? Crazy drivers?”

So what does it mean when Jeanne Moos’ lighter-side-of-the-news assignment is water boarding?

It means we’re fucked, that’s what it means.

There’s just something about water boarding. Maybe it’s because it doesn’t involve genitalia (that’s an all-American no-no). It doesn’t involve cattle prods or electrodes (too Third World-ish). It doesn’t involve blood (too messy and, in the era of AIDS and hepatitis, too risky for the clean-up crew and their families). It doesn’t involve disfigurement or excessive bruising (too much objective evidence that could be preserved in photographs for future lawsuits or tribunals).

To Americans, water evokes cleanliness, hygiene, swimming pools, the beach. So how evil can water boarding really be? And see just how helpful Moos is in conflating a form of torture with surfboarding.

MOOS: For the good old days when water boarding meant riding a board on water.

Now, that's constitutional, Mr. Attorney general nominee. Jeanne Moos, CNN, New York.

For its insidiousness, this Moos segment is destined for the propaganda hall of fame. Moos and Goebbels -- who knew?


Update Four retired JAGs sent a straightforward letter to Sen. Patrick Leahy. Said the JAGs: “Waterboarding is inhumane, it is torture, and it is illegal.”

[h/t to DeRosa World]