Friday, March 10, 2006

Hell at a discount

Good Christian ladies: Before setting off to Wal-Mart to stock up on white tube socks and pastel-colored elastic-waist stretch knit capris, ask yourselves if it is worth risking your families' eternal soul just to save a few pennies.
Wal-Mart stocks music that sexually denigrates women, promotes violence, and blasphemes the name of God. Wal-Mart sells "entertainment" that rewards players for killing police and innocent bystanders. Wal-Mart advances an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle, whose members fight for homosexual marriage. Wal-Mart profits from a product whose sole purpose is to stop the beating heart of an unborn child.
What's more, Wal-Mart now stocks in the check-out lane the Sports Illustrated "Swimsuit" edition, where eight topless females taunt your sons and husbands, "begging them to lust," and your boys' boys will get all bulbous and tingly, and your men will leave your side, searching for the first "promiscuous feminists" they can find in order to recklessly release their seed. And the next day those promiscuous feminist sluts will go to the Wal-Mart pharmacy for the morning-after pill and will sue, sue, sue if John, the Baptist RPh, refuses to fill their prescriptions.

And you know whose fault it is? It's the fault of Wal-Mart's new management, the "'educated elite' gurus of business who live in big houses and host dinner parties."

And they never invite you to these dinner parties. Because you wear pastel-colored elastic-waist stretch knit capris. With white tube socks.

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