Thursday, September 29, 2005

Hold the Bible

Is that really a Bible that Mrs. Roberts is holding? I'm not so sure myself. Maybe it's the super-abridged version. Still, it looks awfully skimpy. Seems to me to be about the size of the large-print version of the Baltimore Catechism.

Oh, well. Doesn't matter. The swearing-in bible is just a prop anyway. Gives the spouse (or other significant other) something to do, and the stage business helps to balance out the photo composition.

But the occasion got me to thinking. What would I use in lieu of the standard swearing-in prop bible if I ever actually had to be sworn in to anything other than traffic court? After a hard think, these are my five finalists:

__ The Off-Hollywood Film Guide (all foreign and indies, so a bit of a loaded cultural statement)

__ Adobe Acrobat 5 PDF for Dummies (because PDF is a meaningful lifestyle choice)

__ The 1963 Sears Christmas Wish catalog (the year my Barbie doll finally got her $5 dream wedding gown)

__ The Dictionary of Phrasal Verbs (which has just about the right dimensions for a faux bible)

__ The 1986 Bill James Baseball Abstract (Mookie. Need I say more?)

Also late in the running but then dropped because of the rampant commercialism involved was the Manhattan Yellow Pages. Still, when you think about it, if there are answers to life's mysteries, they gotta be in there.

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