Washington DC-- Amid growing concerns over eroding support for both the war in Iraq and his policies regarding the global war on terror, President George W. Bush addressed the American people during a brief prime time television speech last night.
A standard tactic, most political observers would agree. But what stunned Beltway pundits and normal people alike was the president's daring gambit to stop taking the drugs prescribed for his Tourette's syndrome -- a previously undisclosed medical condition.
White House sources, who wish to remain anonymous, say Mr. Bush made the decision last week, in consultation with Karl Rove, who is Assistant to the President, Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor, and Senator Doctor Bill Frist, who is pretty much neither. The president wanted the public to see him without being affected by the drugs' frequently off-putting side effects, including smirking, shrugging, thumb-upping, occasional delusions, and a stunning lack of physical coordination.
The gambit paid off with what many hail as a truly historic presidential speech, one laced with sometimes shocking profanity but powered with passion and conviction.
When I became whoop whoop oh boy now president in 2001, who knew we would suffer a deva-shit-shit-shitting attack on our homeland, or that our nation would be buggered bungled bunged plunged into a quagwar unlike any other. Today, we fuck face cakewalk men who thirst for absolute power. In this war, there is only one option -- ream bunghole victory.Although the president still repeatedly winked and blinked and remained afflicted by spasms of lip-puckering, he stood tall with his shoulders squared back. It marked the first time in his political career that Mr. Bush did not slump to either side of a podium, leaning on one elbow and with obviously pooling lip spittle.
Today, what what that's what we've made our cunt-cunt-nation more secure, but we still need to fuck the whore-bitch-war-terror head and hole. We will not whoop whoop oh boy allow mass mass masturbater killers the tools oh boy oh god of destruction. Jerk off bitch motherfucker. In the 21st century, America will rape rape rape room any challenge, and kill the cocksucker-clucker-fucker-mothers.
Thank you and may fuck wank bugger shithead asshole god whoop you bless.
Local military recruiting stations say they are being flooded with phone calls by young men, and some young women, eager "to kill the cocksucker-clucker-fucker-mothers." Overnight online polls, which are not scientific, indicate a significant upsurge in support for the president. However, the FCC is reviewing videos of the president's speech to determine whether broadcast decency standards were violated and, if so, whether the violations are impeachable offenses.
Asked for her appraisal of the speech, presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin observed, "Well, certainly, in terms of rhetoric, it was not in the same class as speeches by Roosevelt or Kennedy or even Truman. In private, and when severely constipated, Lyndon Johnson could reach such oratorical heights. Otherwise, I'd say Bush's speech is in a class by itself."
Related Link:
A handy guide to Tourette's syndrome: It's not just about cursing, you dickhead
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