Friday, May 06, 2005

Runaway cheap speculation

Now this is truly shameless on my part -- the kind of long-distance faux psychoanalysis that I detest when undertaken by Charles Krauthamer. But I can't help wondering: Did Jennifer Wilbanks claim she had been raped because she had been unfaithful? Did she have pregnancy fears?

Some aspects of the runaway bride story make me feel like the Edward G. Robinson character in "Double Indemnity" -- you know, the insurance fraud investigator who debunks his boss's idea that a man committed suicide by jumping off a train moving only 15 mph. Statistically, he points out, the odds are 0.
Come now, you've never read an actuarial table in your life, have you? Why they've got ten volumes on suicide alone. Suicide by race, by color, by occupation, by sex, by seasons of the year, by time of day. Suicide, how committed: by poison, by firearms, by drowning, by leaps. Suicide by poison, subdivided by TYPES of poison, such as corrosive, irritant, systemic, gaseous, narcotic, alkaloid, protein, and so forth. Suicide by leaps, subdivided by leaps from high places, under the wheels of trains, under the wheels of trucks, under the feet of horses, from STEAMBOATS. But, Mr. Norton: Of all the cases on record, there's not one single case of suicide by leap from the rear end of a moving train. And you know how fast that train was going at the point where the body was found? Fifteen miles an hour. Now how can anybody jump off a slow-moving train like that with any kind of expectation that he would kill himself? No, no soap, Mr. Norton. We're sunk, and we'll have to pay through the nose, and you know it.
And that's how I feel about this case. Statistically speaking, how many modern-day runaway bride stories have included claims of abduction and rape?

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