The miracle of the closing bells

Your World With Neil Cavuto (FOX News)

The official title for this piece is "Keeping the Faith," but I like to think of it as "The Pope's in Heaven and If We All Pray Really Hard Then the Stock Market Will Make It to Heaven Too." Regardless, the piece is a spectacular collision of the sacred and the profane.

Sometimes things happen in almost complete symmetry that they just make you stop and think. For example: The selection of a new pope amid signs of a battered old stock market.

Wow, a sign from God, or merely Alan Greenspan?

We're bullish on the prospects for an invigorating pope. It seems we're bearish on the prospects for invigorating profits.

Yet, there's something refreshing about looking at an age-old institution and how it goes about its business, versus focusing on a not-nearly-as-old institution and how it frets about its business.

Why? What's so "refreshing" about the invention of the papal chimney-cam, a static camera shot offering the promise of viewing black or white smoke on Japanese high-definition television sets bought on credit by Americans?

For centuries now cardinals have put their faith in God over a selection process that has stood the test of time. For countless bull and bear markets, truly wise market players have put their faith in doing well "over time."

So truly wise market players have become the cardinals of the papal conclave. Eternity has been shrunk down to "over time." And miracles have been downsized to portfolios that are "doing well."

The odds are we'll get a new pope, this church will survive and I think thrive. The odds are just as good this market will recover too. . . .
Cardinals call it divine inspiration. Market watchers should call it something simpler: faith.

Dreckful, isn't it? "The odds are" is a poorly chosen phrase to discuss religion (God doesn't give odds) or the stock market (sounds too much like, er, gambling).

This is astonishing. Cavuto seems to have made the stock market-junkie's ultimate confession: there is nothing rational underlying the stock market. As with religion, you have to take your stock dealing on faith.

This is truly inspirational for those Americans awaiting the miracle of the Personal Social Security account. If God wants you to have a fully funded retirement, He'll give you one.

Update: Stone Bamboo has a wicked good take on Neil Cavuto, too. Go check it out here.