Duh Roundup (Issue No. 421)

WORLDNETDAILY
A second open letter to Britney Spears
By Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Dear Britney,

Congratulations on the announcement of your pregnancy. It's wonderful that you've decided to have children at a young age, rather than pursue the program of so many other celebrity women who treat motherhood as a burden to be delayed until the important things like career development have been satisfied. . . .

And [now] you may begin to understand why you have upset so many parents in America, even though you may not have meant to.

Our children are our most precious possessions, and every parent's desire is to do everything they can to promote their child's welfare. And many of us feel that you have gotten in the way of that, Britney.

That in your unbridled pursuit of fame and fortune you. . . sexualize[d] yourself at such an early age [and showed] that the best way for a young woman to get attention is through her body rather than her brains. . . .

[T]here was no need for you to do stripteases, sexual simulation, and near total nudity in photo shoots, music videos and concerts when you knew young children were watching. . . . [Y]ou took shortcuts that degraded you, lost people's respect, and corrupted our children. Yes, you became famous in the process, but at what cost?

So mazel tov, you slutty ignorant shiksa.
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THE BIG STORY: GUN 101

JOHN GIBSON: A new law in Arizona adds gun safety and target shooting to the curriculum. The elective classes will count as credit towards a high school diploma.
Joining me now is the man behind the fist draft of the law, Alan Korwin. . . . Today's big question, Alan: Will teaching students about guns actually prevent gun violence?

ALAN KORWIN: I would certainly like to think so. Education has to trump ignorance.

Except with regards to evolution, of course.
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THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR
Chip Shots and Papal Funerals
By Wlady Pleszczynski

Spectacular events have consequences. Last week wasn't a fireworks show. Surely what we saw will have longer-term effects than even Tiger Woods' chip shot for the ages.

An editorial that's so conceptually horrendous it's impossible to do it justice or injustice -- you just have to read it (but don't bother).
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SCARBOROUGH COUNTRY

JOE SCARBOROUGH: Your children at risk, repeat sex offenders raping and killing too many kids. Will politicians do what‘s necessary to save young lives?

Too many kids? As we all know, the acceptable maximum number has been established. The current formula is as follows: the annual child abduction/rape/murder statistics for the state of Florida minus one.
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HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS

MATTHEWS: Senator Thune, when you are looking for a U.N. ambassador—let‘s do a little poll, like McLaughlin used to do, one to 10. Let‘s say Eleanor Roosevelt is a one in terms of niceness. She likes all Third World people in the old days, right? She loved the U.N. And Bob Novak at the other end at 10.
MATTHEWS: Where would you like to see a U.S. ambassador come from politically? Would you like to have—say they are all a bunch of Third World bozos, the way Novak used to describe them, and treat them like that, or be, oh, gee, I just love this body; everybody here is wonderful?
MATTHEWS: Where do you want to come out on this?

THUNE: Well, I think you chose an interesting yardstick.

MATTHEWS: Is he [John Bolton] somewhere in the middle there?

THUNE: Well, I think he is. And I—but I frankly,...

MATTHEWS: I think he is more Novakian myself.

I didn't think it was possible, but Matthews may have just slandered Boltan. More Novakian indeed.