Saturday, February 12, 2005

The Leggy Fl**zy Who Would

The Little Injun That Could (Town Hall)
By Ann Coulter

Maybe Ann Coulter should have her glands examined by a board-certified endocrinologist. (Don't be rude: I'm thinking thyroid and adrenals.) She just doesn't have the same oomph. The shrill is -- if not gone -- not quite hitting the crescendos of past years.

And it can't be easy with Michelle Malkin yappin' at her stiletto heels: a much younger woman with much better fashion sense -- plus she's nonwhite and supports internment camps and racial profiling. How can Coulter possibly compete with that?

Take Coulter's recent Town Hall column about Ward Churchill. It manages to be scattershot and numbingly formulaic at the same time. Attack Churchill and absurdly link to a Democrat. Attack Churchill and absurdly link to a Democrat. Attack Churchill and … see?

And the linkages are so silly that you could substitute any name, adjective, or phrase. Makes no difference. Just replace the targets that Coulter chooses with your choice of Republican and it all works just as well (if by "well" you mean really crappy writing). Check out these nifty substitutions--

If Ward Churchill loses his job teaching at the University of Colorado, he could end up giving Rush Limbaugh a real run for his money as crankyanker of the year.

Churchill already has a phony lineage and phony war record – just like George W. Bush! (Someone should also check out Churchill's claim that he spent May 1972 through May 1973 in Alabama.)

Come to think of it, Churchill could give George W. Bush a run for his money. All that's left for Churchill to do now is meet with the bin Laden family and kiss Mrs. Sun Myung Moon.

Churchill's claim that he is an Indian isn't an incidental boast, like George W. Bush pretending to be a born-again, recovering alcoholic Texan. It is central to his political life.

In addition to an absence of evidence about his Indian heritage, there is an absence of evidence that he was in combat in Vietnam.... "They can say whatever the hell they want. That's confidential information, and I've never ordered its release from the Department of Defense. End of story." Maybe we should ask George W. Bush to help Churchill fill out a form 180.

In light of the fact that Bush's entire persona and political career are based on his claim that he's a born-again Christian and a compassionate conservative, it's rather churlish of him to complain when people ask if he really is one.
See how amazingly easy that was! Now just imagine if you got paid righteous bucks to write that.

1 comment:

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