Friday, February 18, 2005

A Flyover of Scarborough Country Clinches a New Stupidity Altitude Record

Scarborough Country (MSNBC

Either way, Joe Scarborough is stupid. Either he picks out these "flyover" stories himself or his staff picks them out -- and then he actually reads them on national television as a tribute.
Well, moving on, it‘s time for a flyover of SCARBOROUGH COUNTRY. Of course, these are the stories that the mainstream media misses as they fly from New York to the left coast.
Okay, he got in the obligatory swipe at the mainstream media. Seems a rather odd grudge, though, considering these bicoastal elites are nice enough not only to give him a full hour of prime time five nights a week but also to pay him. Wish my bogus adversaries were so generous.

And it's astonishing what Scarborough features in his ode to Middle America.
Our first stop tonight is Houston, Texas, where porn star Jenna Jameson is causing a major stir. Houston‘s mayor is fighting with the city‘s library to have her new book, “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star,” restricted to shelves.
To be honest, I'm not sure what "restricted to shelves" means. Are library patrons sneaking copies into closets, stairwells, and bathroom stalls for interactive reading sessions?


First Amendment defenders are fighting the decision, but it doesn‘t matter much, since all 12 of the library copies have been checked out for months.
Oh, so it's not the content of the book per se, it's the fact that Houston library patrons are checking out the book and then not returning it. Seems more like an inventory and restocking problem than a First Amendment debate.
And our next stop is Arizona, where legislators are considering a bill allowing people to bring their guns into any bar, restaurant or nightclub that serves alcohol. Oh, yes, guns and alcohol, that‘s a good mix. The question is, should gun owners be bothered with leaving their weapons in a car when they go inside to get a bite to eat? The law would forbid those carrying a gun to drink at the same time. Yes, good luck telling that to the man with a loaded shotgun.

Well, Joe's got this backwards. The law would legalize loaded weapons in places that serve alcohol. But Joe's not exaggerating about the loaded shotgun. This is according to The Arizona Republic: "Pistols, rifles, shotguns -- Arizonans soon could load them up and tote them into the bar or nightclub of their choice." Can you see it now: smoking, non-smoking, and non-carrying sections in restaurants?
And, finally, tonight, we take you to Burnet County, Texas, where this man tried to fake out cops, but he made one big mistake. He was wanted for child molestation, and he allegedly tried to fake his own death by digging up a corpse from the local cemetery, then setting the body down and putting it in his car, and then setting it on fire. It sounds like a perfect plan, right?
Not really.
Well, the only problem was, the body he dug up was actually a woman‘s body. It didn‘t take long for the cops to track him down....Still ahead tonight, much more.
Please, I can't take any more! Thank God all these porn-obsessed, boozed-up, gun-toting, child-molesting, grave-robbing people all live in Scarborough Country, a place I am never, ever going to visit.

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