They set it in fine print for a reason

I’ll admit it: I exasperate people (lawyers, bankers, and insurance agents mostly) because I compulsively read the fine print. I not only read footnotes, I read the footnotes to the footnotes. Attach an asterisk to the end of a sentence and I reach for my magnifying glass.

Today I received the official 2007 Consumers’ Water Quality Report for Down-the-Jersey Shore. Asterisks abound. I polished my magnifying glass because we’re talking picocuries-per-liter and parts-per-million here. And then I read this:

The NJDEP found the following potential contaminant sources within the source assessment areas for our [water] sources: underground storage tanks, known contaminated sites, cemeteries….

Suddenly I felt very woozy.

I drink dead people.